4 college students moved an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Their names were Kevin, Paul, Jordan, and Kyle. The first 3 quickly found out Kyle had a terrible snoring problem. Nobody wanted to room with him. They agreed to take turns. The first night was Kevin's turn. The next morning, Kevin walks out into the living room, with glazed eyes and a zombie like shuffle. Paul and Jordan ask "what happened?" Kevin says "Well he was snoring so loud that I couldn't fall asleep at all, so I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night, Paul rooms with Kyle. The next morning, his eyes are bloodshot and his hair is a wild mess. He says "Kyle was snoring so loud last night, that instead of sleeping I sat up and stared at him all night." Night 3 is Jordan's turn. Jordan is an ex-football player weighing about 250 pounds. The next morning, he walks into the living room with bright eyes and a spring in his step. Paul and Kevin, obviously surprised, ask him how the more...
A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is: "Name the three best advantages of mother's milk."
The student immediately writes, "One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby.
Two: It is inside the mother's body and therefore protected from germs and infections."
But the student can't think of the third answer. Finally, he writes, "Three: It comes in such nice containers."
As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" "To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Memo to all students:
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilledat seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you more...
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."