Part Jokes

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    Wedding Vows

    Hot 7 months ago

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
    "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows," the groom said. "When you get to me and the part where it asks if I promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
    The day of the wedding arrived, and they reached the part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked him in the eye and said:
    "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every wish and command, serve her breakfast in bed each and every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
    The groom gulped, looked around, and replied in a meek voice, more...

    There once was a good Baptist Minister, who in order to make his family's budget go a little further, rode a bicycle to Church and to Church functions. One day his bike turned up missing. He searched everywhere, but could not find it. Since it was a very small town he lived in, and most of the town was in his parish, he assumed that one of his flock had strayed and stolen his bicycle.
    He spoken with his Deacon about his quandry. The Deacon suggested that at the Sermon next Sunday, the Minister talk on the Ten Commandments. When he got to the Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal", the Minister should turn on the Fire-and-Brimstone and preach like he had never preached before. The guilty part should then feel such remorse for their wrongdoing, that they would return the bike.
    So Sunday came and the Minister gave his sermon. It was a good sermon but when he reached "Thou Shalt Not Steal", there was no Fire-and-Brimstone. The Deacon was puzzled and asked the more...

    Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure….

    HMO Q&A

    Hot 5 years ago

    Q. What does HMO stand for?
    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the more...

    Diet Rules

    Hot 5 years ago

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
    2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
    3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
    4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
    5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
    6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
    7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
    8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
    9. more...

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