Nixon Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Oklahoma State Trooper

    Hot 1 year ago

    In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3am one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.
    The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20, 30, 40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.
    Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the more...

    Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
    ~~~
    Nixon: Watergate
    Clinton: Waterbed
    Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
    Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
    Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
    Clinton: Worried about carpet burns
    Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
    Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
    Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
    Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
    Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
    Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
    Clinton: same
    Nixon: Ex-President
    Clinton: Sex-President
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
    Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"
    N? xon: Famous for his widow's peak
    Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
    Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot
    Nixon: Took more...

    "Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton":
    Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water Bed
    Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore
    Nixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burns
    Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
    Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcase
    Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No difference
    Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say "He's the one"
    Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot
    Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with more...

    Sexual Tension Quiz

    Hot 4 years ago

    I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

    Major Scandal during their presidency....
    Nixon: Watergate
    Clinton: Waterbed
    The President's biggest fear...
    Nixon: The Cold War
    Clinton: The Cold Sore
    Complaints toward the President...
    Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
    Clinton: Carpet-Burns
    Their Vice-Presidents...
    Nixon: His was Greek
    Clinton: His is a Geek.
    Presidential qualities...
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
    Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.
    Things the President couldn't explain...
    Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
    Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase
    Job titles....
    Nixon: Ex-President
    Clinton: Sex-President
    Slogans....
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
    Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying "He's the one"
    Known for....
    Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
    Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Acquaintances....
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon more...

  • Recent Activity