Begin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    60 above
    Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
    People in Canada sunbathe
    50 above:
    New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
    People in Canada plant gardens.
    40 above:
    Italian cars won't start.
    Canadians drive with the windows down.
    32 above:
    Distilled water freezes.
    The Saskatchewan River water gets thicker.
    20 above:
    Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
    15 above:
    New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
    Canadians throw on a sweatshirt.
    -0 -
    Californians fly away to Mexico.
    People in Canada lick the flagpole.
    20 below:
    People in Miami cease to exist.
    Canadians get out their winter coats.
    40 below:
    Hollywood disintegrates.
    Canada's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
    60 below:
    Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
    Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets more...

    Forest Gump goes to heaven...The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. St. Peter says,
    "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
    I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven.1) What days of the week begin with the letter T? 2) How many seconds are there in a year? 3) What is God's first name?"Forrest says, "Well, the first one - how many days in the week begin
    With the letter "T"?
    That one's easy.
    That'd be Today and Tomorrow."The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims!!
    "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but...
    I'll give you credit for that answer."How about the second one?" asks St. Peter.
    "How many seconds in a year?""Now that one's more...

    How to Tell if Your Viagra is Working
    At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.
    The paleness of your face (because of the lack of blood) - It's all you-know-where.
    You begin to look at the dog with interest.
    You fall naked and face down on the beach and the point comes out in New Zealand.
    They confuse you with the duracell bunny.
    When you come into a sauna, everyone stands up and applauds.
    You begin to think that your mother-in-law is pretty.
    You no longer need the TV remote control.
    You killed a passer-by with a button that flew off your new Levis.
    If you die, they won't be able to close your coffin for three days.
    They begin to call you "the tripod."
    The butchers look for you because they ran out of peperoni.
    You go out to sunbathe nude and (if you're standing) the birds perch on it to rest, or (if you're lying down) you look like a sundial.
    When you go camping all more...

    Sexual Tension Quiz

    Hot 2 years ago

    I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

    A professor of a Freshman Psychology course had a class of 400 students. His final exam was scheduled very early 8am-10am.

    The professor told his students that his final was not a cumulative final and just covered the information since the last midterm, so in essence, the final was just like a midterm and would only require 1 hour of the 2 hour alloted time. The professor told the students to bring a large Blue Book (fyi: a Blue Book is a standard testing tool used throughout many universities. It's basically a thin 10 blank pages of college ruled notebook paper with a blue cover. They are purchased at the student book store.) The professor was adament that the students were only going to have 1 hour and not one minute more to complete the essay style exam.

    The students requested the exam to begin at 9am instead of 8am since they only had an hour. The professor denied the request because the professor prefered to use the second hour to begin grading the exams. more...

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