Begin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest
that you should get some rest.
You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
You say the same sentence over and over again not realizing that you
have said it before.
The Sun is too loud.
Trees begin chasing you.
You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip
solution of espresso.
You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption
of coffee.
You can hear mimes.
You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
Things become "Very Clear".
You ask the Drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can
understand.
You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you are the only
one in the more...

The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club into the hole while keeping the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before allowing play to commence.
Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length, so as to avoid damage to the course.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible, until the course owner is satisfied.
Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by the course owner.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the course, paying special attention to the well-formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played recently to the owner of more...

* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls. * Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes. * Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin. * For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins. * Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course. * Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out. * The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future. * It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed more...

...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
...you begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...you keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING more...

The group shared their favorites. Windows that crack or melt into a
slag heap. The MacIntosh IBM DOS emulator that, when fired up,
begins to put up a zippy MacIntosh screen, stops halfway down the
screen to declare, "Oops? Sorry. You wanted 1950s technology." It
then goes into command line mode. The supposed unused ROM hook in
the Mac that would have caused a monkey to dance across the screen
ONCE upon the 7698th (or whatever) boot of the machine. Insects
crawling around the screen.
As you read this, project programmers in ski-masks are already coding
up:
ELUSIVE MENU: When the mouse cursor enters such menus, the menus
dodge away while insulting the user with appropriate language and
gestures. Somebody informed us this is just like the Mac Bomb
program.
CRASHING WINDOWS: You begin to move a window. Suddenly it
accelerates out of your control up toward the corner of the screen.
When it reaches the corner, it more...

[This was posted on a bulletin board in a dorm at UNL. I don't know who
wrote it, sorry.]
The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into the hole while keeping the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before
allowing play to commence.
Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length,
so as to avoid damage to the course.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
until the course owner is satisfied.
Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the course owner.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the
course, paying special more...

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football - see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy."
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares." and see what happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
10. Play with the automatic doors.
11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
12. While more...