Boot Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?"
    The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license please?"
    The driver responds, "I can’t give it to you – because I don`t have one..."
    "You don`t have one," asks the policeman?
    The Realtor responds, "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving..."
    The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration please?"
    "I am sorry, I can do that either," replies the Realtor, as the homebuyers in the back seat look stunned.
    The policeman says, "Why not?"
    "I stole this car," the Realtor responds, as the homebuyers in the back seat look shocked.
    The Officer says, "Stole it?"
    The Realtor says, "Yes I stole it, more...

    Speeding

    Hot 7 years ago

    A driver is pulled over by a police man.
    Man: Is there a problem Officer?
    Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
    Man: Oh I see.
    Officer: Can I see your licence please?
    Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
    Officer: Don't have one?
    Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
    papers please.
    Man: I can't do that.
    Officer: Why not?
    Man: I stole this car.
    Officer: Stole it?
    Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
    Officer: You what?
    Man: She's in the boot if you want to see.
    The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away
    to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5
    police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
    approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
    Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle
    please! The man steps out of his vehicle.
    Man: Is there a problem sir?
    Officer2: One of my officers told me that you more...

    Sheep Shagging

    Hot 3 years ago

    A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer.

    "So, English farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"

    "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

    "That's very interesting,"replies the researcher and he leaves the English farmer. Then he meets an Australian farmer.

    "So, Australian farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"

    "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

    "That's very interesting,"replies the researcher,"That's how they do it in England too."And he leaves the Australian farmer.

    Then he meets a farmer from New Zealand.

    "So, kiwi farmer, how do you shag your more...

    Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Couldn't think/pee his way out of a paper bag. Couldn't write dialog for a porno flick. CPU is always in powersave mode. CPU not connected to the bus. Cranial cavity filled with neutronic matter. (Really dense.) Cranio-rectally inverted. Cunning as a dodo bird. Cursor's flashing but there's no response. Dealing with him is less fun than going to the dentist. Dealing with him is one angst worse than a blind date. Deep as her dimples / reflection in a mirror. Defective hard drive / boot sector. Dense as a London fog. Diarrhea of the mouth constipation of the ideas. Differently clued. - Dave Clark Dock doesn't quite reach the water. Does aerobics... in his head. Does everything the hard way, like making love standing up in a hammock. Doesn't adjust for more...

    Windows Girl

    Hot 4 years ago

    Mel. Barbie Girl
    Hi user, wanna go for a try?
    Sure win!
    Boot up!
    I'm a Windows girl
    In my Windows world
    Life in coding
    It's annoying
    You can tune my files
    Explore me everywhere
    Imagination
    Illegal operation
    Come on System, let's go crashing
    I'm a Windows girl
    In my Windows world
    Life in coding
    It's annoying
    You can tune my files
    Explore me everywhere
    Imagination
    Illegal operation
    I'm a prog, I'm a code
    on a supermachine
    when I crash,
    Boot me up, and go crazy
    I'm your pain,
    boot me up, and start over again
    Run a prog, see the fail
    Just delete me
    You can touch, i can hang,
    like i say, just boot again
    I'm a Windows girl
    In my Windows world
    Life in coding
    It's annoying
    You can tune my files
    Explore me everywhere
    Imagination
    Illegal operation
    Come on System, let's go crashing (boot, boot, bo-ot)
    Come on System, let's go crashing more...

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