Third Jokes

there is 3 aliens that come to earth;the first one goes to an opera and learns how to say mememe.The second alien goes to a restaraunt and learns how to say forks&knives forks&knives.The third one goes to a candyshop and learns how to say goody goody gum drops goody goody gum drops.
So the next day a cop says " there was a murder that happened and I would like to know if anyone of you murdered the boy" so the first alien says "mememe," so the cop says "what did you use to kill the person?" the second one says" forks & knives forks& knives" so the cop replies " you know your going to have to go to jail for this" the third alien says "goody goody gum drops goody goody gum drops!"

Three men are outside a pub when one said, "I dare you to go in and ask for a free glass of milk!"
One of the other men went in the pub and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?"
"Only if you pick the scabs of my daughter's fanny!"
replied the barmaid.
"Screw that!"
The other man walked in and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?"
"Only if you pick the scabs off my daughter's fanny!"
replied the barmaid.
"Screw that!"
When the two men went back outside they told the third one that they could only get a free glass of milk if they picked the scabs off the barmaid's daughter's fanny.
The third man said, "I wouldn't mind doing that."
The third man went in and said I will pick the scabs off your daughter's fanny if you give me a free glass of milk."
"Ok," agreed the barmaid.
He went upstairs and picked the scabs of her daughter's fanny and more...

Four Aliens Land On Earth. They Each Learn A English Word. The First Alien Learns' Me, Me, Me, Me, Me'. The Second Alien Learns
'With Knives And Forks'. The Third Alien Learn' Because He Sold My Lollipop'. The Fourth Alien Learns' Hurrah! Hurrah!'. In
The Same Town A Man Dies. A Policeman Goes To The Aliens And Asks Them "Who Murdered The Man?" The First Alien Says
"Me, Me, Me, Me, Me." The Police Asks "With What?" The Second Aslien Says "With Knives And Forks." The Police Again Asks "Why?"
The Third Alien Says "Because He Stole My Lollipop?" And The Fourth Alien Says "Hurrah! Hurrah!"

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

A new dean had just arrived at Modern University and thought she might well profit from a discussion with her predecessor who had recently resigned. During a lunncheon meeting she asked the former dean how he had managed crises. His response was to give her three envelopes with the instruction to open #1 with the first crisis, #2 with the second crisis, and #3 with the third crisis. She accepted the envelopes and the rest of the luncheon was spent on pleasantries.
Things went extremely well for her during the first six months. However, she then discovered a major problem in the budget: the year was only half over and it was clear that she was going to overspend her budget by 10%. The ruckus she caused by pulling funds back from departments, failing to keep commitments, etc., was such that she was facing her first major crisis. She opened envelope #1 to find that it stated "Blame the prior dean for poor planning." This she did, and the crisis was muted.
The next year more...