Fear Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Fear of Needles

    Hot 3 years ago

    Matt, who has always had a fear of needles, was sitting in the hospital waiting to get a vaccination.
    When the nurse called him into the office to receive the injection, he nervously entered the room, sat down and broke into a cold sweat as he watched her prepare the needle. He tried to concentrate on the most pleasurable things he could, hoping that would dull the pain he was about to suffer.
    As the nurse approached him with the needle, she couldn't help but notice his nervousness. In an attempt to comfort him, she said, "Don't worry, it's just a small prick."
    Matt quickly jumped up, obviously upset. Startled by his reaction, but before she was able to say anything, Matt yelled, "Just how many people has my wife been talking to?!?"

    More Religion Quotes

    Hot 2 years ago

    I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

    A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

    Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.

    Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.

    Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

    Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

    Here's to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra

    Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer

    A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

    In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at themselves and said, "We good." And God saw it was too late.

    Televangelists: The Pro more...

    Politically Correct Little Red Riding HoodThere once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who livedon the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants thatwould probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time tostudy them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred toas "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would havethought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit andmineral water to her grandmother's house." But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people whohave struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages betweenvarious people in the woods?" Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had more...

    Helping Hand

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff. Full of fear, he assessed his situation.
    He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail.
    Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"
    A deep yet serene voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
    "Who is it?"
    "It's God."
    "Can you help me?"
    "Yes, I can help."
    "Please help me then!"
    "Let yourself go."
    Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"
    "Let yourself go. I will catch you."
    "Uh... more...

    Act Religious

    Hot 2 weeks ago

    A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."
    The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister...
    "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."
    Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back.
    "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.
    "Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.
    "Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger.
    So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...

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