Assistant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The executive assistant

    Hot 1 month ago

    The beautiful Executive Assistant to the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.
    However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
    The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No problem! I buy. I buy."
    Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
    The man pauses for more...

    Gravy Ladle

    Hot 1 year ago

    In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is
    reserved for the pastor and his housekeeper.
    One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the
    rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the
    housekeeper was and he wondered...
    After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
    everything was purely professional and that she was the housekeeper and cook and
    that was that.
    About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever
    since the new assistant came for dinner, I have not been able to find the
    beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
    The pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he wrote,
    "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not
    saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact more...

    Blue Collar Guy

    Hot 2 years ago

    On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".
    The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.
    The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."
    The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer more...

    A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
    As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

    A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
    As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
    And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
    After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.
    Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
    When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
    The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''

  • Recent Activity