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    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 1 year ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



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    It's chemical

    Hot 5 years ago

    April 1, 1988: The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
    by physicists at Turgid University. The element, tentatively named
    Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic
    number is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
    75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an
    atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus
    by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called
    memoons.
    Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
    detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is
    present. According to Dr. M. Langour, one of the discoverers of the element, a
    very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes less
    than a second take over four days.
    Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at more...

    Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.
    "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"
    "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"
    "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."
    "Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."

    1.dumb guy: I have'nt slept all nite on the train.
    Friend: Why?
    Dumb guy: Got upper berth.
    Friend: Why did'nt you exchange?
    Dumb guy: oye, there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth.
    2. A Teacher lecturing on population -
    In India, every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
    A dumb guy stands up - We must find & stop her!
    3. Dumb guy - Why are all these people running?
    Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
    Dumb guy - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the
    others running?
    4. Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense.
    Dumn guy: The future tense is, "You will go to jail."
    5. Dumb guy gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out,
    climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
    Dumb guy: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
    6. Dumb guy was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be more...

    A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars.
    He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"
    "Fluctuations." says the clerk.
    The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

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