Table Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A night out with Dave

    Hot 10 months ago

    Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says,' Hey Dave, how ya doin?'

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.' Oh no,' says Dave.' He's on my bowling team.'

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says,' You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.'

    'No honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.'

    A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.' Hi Davey,' she says,' Want your usual table dance?'

    Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in more...

    French Happiness

    Hot 10 months ago

    When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
    "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
    "A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
    A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...and no one knew what to say next.
    Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
    "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, 'appiness."

    Ex-Wife

    Hot 10 months ago

    A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
    Finally the wife asks, "Do you know her?"
    "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
    "My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

    What Women Want

    Hot 9 months ago

    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.
    The Question: What do women really want?
    Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
    Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous more...

    Strip Club Regular

    Hot 8 months ago

    Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Bob follows and spots more...

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