Breakfast Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Wrigley Gums

    Hot 6 months ago

    A Jamaican tourist was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an Australian, chewing gum, sat next to him.
    The Jamaican politely ignored the Australian, who, never the less started up a conversation. The Australian snapped his gum and said, "You Jamaican folks eat the whole bread?"
    The Jamaican frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."
    The Australian blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In Australia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect, recycle them, and transform them into croissants and sell them to Jamaica."
    The Australian had a smirk on his face. The Jamaican listened in silence. The Australian persisted. "D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Sighing the Jamaican replied, "Of course." Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Australian said, "We don't. In Australia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers more...

    It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an enormous birthday breakfast. Then she took him by the hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom, where they had the most amazing sex.
    A couple of hours later as John was leaving the house, Mrs Jones pressed a pound coin into his hand.
    "I'm sorry," he said, "but I've got to ask - why the pound?"
    "Well," said Mrs Jones, "I said to my husband last night 'It's the milkman's birthday tomorrow, what shall we give him?' and he replied 'Oh screw the milkman, give him a pound.' The breakfast was my idea!"

    Kicking

    Hot 5 months ago

    A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?"
    "No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"
    "You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."
    The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he kicks a chicken. Next, he walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
    Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
    "Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any more...

    How i fired my secretary

    Hot 3 months ago

    HOW I FIRED MY SECRETARY:
    Two weeks ago, I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me...
    She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday.
    I said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.
    When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
    As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday."
    And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
    I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
    We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis more...

    Two Brothers Growing Up

    Hot 3 months ago

    Two brothers, 8 and 6 years old, were getting ready for breakfast when the older brother said, "I think we're old enough to start using cuss words like grown-ups, so when we go eat breakfast, let's use some cuss words. I'll say, "Hell", and you say, "Fat Ass." They agreed and went to breakfast.

    After sitting down, their mother asked the 8-year-old what he wanted for breakfast. He replied, "Oh Hell, I think I will have some Cheerios." "What did you say?" his mother yelled. She went over and slapped him so hard that he fell out of his chair. She picked him up off the floor, dragged him to his room, and slammed the door.

    When she got back in the kitchen, the 6-year-old was sitting there wide-eyed. She asked sharply, "Now young man what do you want for breakfast?" he stuttered and said, "I don't know but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!!"

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