Mass Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
    are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. more...

    Rules For Bank Robbers

    Hot 5 years ago

    According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
    Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
    Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...

    Canine Mass

    Hot 5 years ago

    A widow named Patricia lived alone in the countryside with her pet dog, which she loved and was totally devoted to. After many years of companionship, her dog died, so she went to see the parish priest.
    "Father, my old dog has died and I was wondering if you could be saying a mass for the dear soul?" Patricia said.
    "I'm very sorry to hear about your dog's passing," Father Murphy said. "Unfortunately, we are unable to have services for an animal in the church. There is, however, a new denomination down the road. There's no telling what they believe, so perhaps they'll do something for the animal."
    "I'll go there right now," Patricia replied. "By the way, Father, do you think that $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
    "Why didn't you tell me your dear dog was a Catholic?" Father Murphy replied.

    At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn't have time to inquire before the Mass began.
    When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop's curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ".
    The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."

    A priest and his parrot

    Hot 5 years ago

    This man had a parrot. This parrot knew only one sentence,
    which was "Let's make love." The parrot said it all the time,
    embarrassing the owner to no end.
    Finally, he went to his parish priest and told him of his parrot
    problem. The priest replied, "I have a parrot who also only knows
    one sentence. He always says, "Let us pray." Bring your parrot over
    Sunday after mass, and I'm sure your parrot will be praying by the
    end of the day."
    So, as directed, The owner brought the parrot over to the rectory
    after mass. The parrot, spying the priest's parrot, opened his mouth
    and blurted out, "Let's make love."
    The priest's parrot closed his eyes, looked up at heaven and said,
    "My prayers have been answered."

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