United States Jokes

I was able to get my hands on George Bush’s farewell speech, which he will give on his last day in office. It goes like this:
“My fellow Americans.
My bad.
Good luck everybody!”

Newt Gingrich cautioned those who stand up for freedom of speech by saying we need to reexamine it. I agree. Can we shut this guy up?

Astronomers in Prague today have decided Pluto is no longer a planet. In related news, producers in Hollywood have decided Tom Cruise is no longer a star.

Former Ohio State Running Back Maurice Clarett was arrested by police yesterday without any reference to Jews. You might remember Clarett when he tried to be the the first sophmore to skip his junior and senior year, and go straight into the NFL. Now he going to be the first former all-star to skip the NFL and go straight to prison. Normally you must play at least two years for the Cowboys before you are eligible for jail time.

Italian researchers say that shots of Botox can relieve constipation.
"Apparently Italians inject it in a different place," said Senator Nancy Pelosi.