Congress Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
    John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
    Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
    John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
    The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
    Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
    Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
    Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
    Both were shot in the head.
    Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
    Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
    Both were assassinated by Southerners.
    Both were succeeded by Southerners.
    Both successors were named Johnson.
    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
    John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
    Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
    Both assassins were know by their three names.
    Both names more...

    Polotics to Children

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    One day a little boy went up to his dad and asked him what polotics were. He replied "
    lets just say that I am the president, your mom is the congress, the maid is the senate, and your little brother is the future. Put them all together and that's politics."
    The little boy still didn't understand, but he went to bed anyway.
    That night he found that his little brother crapped in his diaper, so he went to get his parents. When he went into the room, he found that his dad was not there. He went to the couch and saw his dad screwing the maid. The next day, the little boy said to his dad that he understood politics;"
    While the President is screwing the Senate, the Congress is unaware and the future is full of shit."
    Very good,"
    replied his father.

    I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.

    Iowa rep Steve King apologized for saying the 72 virgins waiting for deceased terrorist al-Zarqawi "probably all look like" White House Press Corps reporter Helen Thomas. Explained King, "Obviously Helen hasn't looked like a virgin for about 60 years."

    "Twas the week before Christmas and those sly little elves,
    Our congressmen, labored to better themselves.
    They cared not a whit what the public might think
    "Let them eat cake," some said with a wink.
    And putting their thumbs to the tip of their nose,
    they waved as they shouted "Anything goes!"
    They scoffed at the thought that we might object,
    to a tax cut for the wealthy of a posh percent.
    They've got prerequisites-franking, per diem, and more -
    bargain-priced haircuts and gyms (three or four!)
    Paid speaking engagements and meals on the cuff,
    celebrity status - (they've sure got it tough!),
    Yet they claim they're in touch with the man on the street,
    as John Q. Public struggles to make both ends meet.
    If all workers decided what they were due,
    they'd be getting those fat paychecks too!
    But while we take cutbacks or raises quite small,
    and one out of 20 has no job at more...

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