Congress Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
    John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
    Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
    John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
    The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
    Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
    Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
    Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
    Both were shot in the head.
    Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
    Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
    Both were assassinated by Southerners.
    Both were succeeded by Southerners.
    Both successors were named Johnson.
    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
    John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
    Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
    Both assassins were know by their three names.
    Both names more...

    Polotics to Children

    Hot 3 years ago

    One day a little boy went up to his dad and asked him what polotics were. He replied "
    lets just say that I am the president, your mom is the congress, the maid is the senate, and your little brother is the future. Put them all together and that's politics."
    The little boy still didn't understand, but he went to bed anyway.
    That night he found that his little brother crapped in his diaper, so he went to get his parents. When he went into the room, he found that his dad was not there. He went to the couch and saw his dad screwing the maid. The next day, the little boy said to his dad that he understood politics;"
    While the President is screwing the Senate, the Congress is unaware and the future is full of shit."
    "
    Very good,"
    replied his father.

    Cooperative Story Writing

    Hot 8 months ago

    This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:
    Rebecca and Gary
    English 44A
    SMU
    Creative Writing
    Prof Miller
    In-class Assignment for Wednesday
    Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
    At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must more...

    U.S. Lawmaker Says He Is Worried About E-Mail Pregnancy
    Citing the case of a woman who claims she got pregnant from e-mail,
    an Ohio Democrat called Wednesday for a "chastity chip" for the
    Internet. Rep. James Traficant, known for his flamboyant rhetoric,
    gave a brief floor speech about a woman named Frances who claimed to
    have gotten pregnant through an e-mail exchange with a paramour 1,500
    miles away. "That's right - pregnant," he proclaimed, warning of the
    dangers of "immaculate reception." He called on Congress to go beyond
    "v-chips" that would protect kids from sexual content on the
    Internet, saying, "Its time for Congress to act. The computers do not
    need a v-chip. The Internet needs a chastity chip."

    I don't blame Congress

    Hot 10 months ago

    I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.

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