Michigan Jokes

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    At Least We're not Mississippi
    11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
    But It's a Dry Heat
    Litterasy Ain't Everthing
    As Seen on TV
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
    Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
    We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
    Ask Us About Our Grandkids
    Without Atlanta we're Alabama
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
    More Than Just Potatoes...
    Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
    Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    First Of The Rectangle States
    Five Million People; Seven Last Names
    We're Not All Drunk Cajun more...

    1) You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
    2) You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.
    3) Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt.
    4) Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
    5) You know how to play euchre.
    6) The big mac is something you drive across.
    7) You bake with soda and you drink pop.
    8) You drive 76 on the highway and pass on the right.
    9) Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
    10) You learned to drive a boat before you learned to ride a bicycle.
    11) You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
    12) You occasionally cheer "Go Lions - and take the Tigers with you."
    13) The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical definition.
    14) You have ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
    15) You expect Vernors when you order ginger ale.
    16) You know that Kalamazoo not only more...

    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
    waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When
    his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

    A guy from Nebraska, a guy from Michigan, and a guy from Ohio are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a bottle and a Genie pops out of it.
    "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
    The guy from Nebraska says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska.
    "With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.
    The Michigan guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Michigan, so that no one can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Michigan.
    The Buckeye asks, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
    The Buckeye says, "Fill it up with water."

    After coach Osborne dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Osborne a little two-room house with a faded University of Nebraska banner hanging from the front porch.
    "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Mr. Osborne looks at the house, then turns around
    and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
    Michigan flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Michigan banner hangs between the marble columns.
    "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Lloyd Carr gets a mansion with new Michigan banners and flags flying all over the place.
    "Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment.
    "That's not Carr's house," God says. "That's mine."

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