Alabama Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
    Enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
    that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a
    cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a
    beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
    The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man,
    but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
    So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia
    physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a
    vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor
    instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light more...

    State Slogans

    Hot 2 years ago

    Alabama:
    At Least We're not Mississippi
    Alaska:
    11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
    Arizona:
    But It's a Dry Heat
    Arkansas:
    Litterasy Ain't Everthing
    California:
    As Seen on TV
    Colorado:
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
    Connecticut:
    Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
    Delaware:
    We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
    Florida:
    Ask Us About Our Grandkids
    Georgia:
    Without Atlanta we're Alabama
    Hawaii:
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
    Idaho:
    More Than Just Potatoes...
    Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
    Illinois:
    Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
    Indiana:
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
    Iowa:
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    Kansas:
    First Of The Rectangle States
    Kentucky:
    Five Million People; Seven Last Names
    Louisiana:
    We're Not All Drunk Cajun more...

    Can`t Get Out!

    Hot 2 years ago

    An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
    As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We`re tryin` to get out, but we can`t get the dang tailgate open!"

    Human Interest Story

    Hot 1 year ago

    A young man graduated from the University of Alabama with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper that hired him was to write a human interest story. Being from Alabama, he went back to the country to do his research.
    He went to an old farmer's house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer, and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you happy?"
    The farmer thought for a minute and said, "Yep! One time one of my neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. We all screwed it, then took it home."
    "I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can you think of anything else that happened that made you or a lot of other people happy?"
    After another moment, the farmer said, "Yep! One time my neighbor's daughter, a real good lookin' gal, got lost. We formed a big posse that time and found her. After we more...

    Football Truisms

    Hot 8 months ago

    Editor's Note: Not really all humor, unless you consider grown men in tights slapping each others asses funny...

    #1. Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
    ' Football is only a game.
    Spiritual things are eternal.
    Nevertheless, Beat Texas'

    #2.' After you retire from football, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State

    #3.' The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

    #4.' When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama

    #5.' Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

    #6.' If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password,' Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama

    #7.' A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre more...

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