Michigan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Authorities said a 19-year-old carjacking suspect from Detroit who was studying auto repair at a community college may have been using the skills he learned in class to dismantle stolen vehicles. It makes him the most successful community college graduate in recent memory.

The NCAA has accused Michigan's football program of five major infractions. Six if you count losing to Appalachian State.

Dumb Michigan laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Michigan Crazy Law You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

Idiot #1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed more...

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was more...

1) You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
2) You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.
3) Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt.
4) Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
5) You know how to play euchre.
6) The big mac is something you drive across.
7) You bake with soda and you drink pop.
8) You drive 76 on the highway and pass on the right.
9) Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
10) You learned to drive a boat before you learned to ride a bicycle.
11) You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
12) You occasionally cheer "Go Lions -- and take the Tigers with you."
13) The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical definition.
14) You have ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
15) You expect Vernors when you order ginger ale.
16) You know that more...

Q: Why isn't there a pro football team in Flint, Michigan?
A: Because then Detroit would want one too!