Entertainment Jokes

I always get the Bacon Brothers confused.So I made myself this cheat sheet:
Kevin N. Bacon - Actor
Michael A. Bacon - Musician
Chris P. Bacon - Delicious

Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.
Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous.
"I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him."
"I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play."
"Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you more...

For the first time in many years, an old man living in a rural town decided to go to the city to see a movie. After purchasing his ticket, he stopped by the concession stand to buy some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.75, he couldn't resist commenting, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn only cost 15 cents."
"Well, sir," replied the attendant with a grin, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!"

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It's empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It too is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mama Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For goodness sake, how many times must we go through this? It was Mama Bear who got up first. It was Mama Bear who woke everyone else in the house up. It was Mama Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mama Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the paper. It was Mama Bear who set the table. It was Mama Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's food and water dishes. And now that you have decided to come more...

Tarzan got into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa and, while the lion was defeated, it did manage to destroy Tarzan's eye and rip off his arm and his dick.
Needless to say, Tarzan's jungle friends helped him out by giving him the parts he needed... the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asked Tarzan how his new parts were working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, Tarzan can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But, Tarzan no like new wee-wee," Tarzan replied.
"Why not?" asked Cheeta.
"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass!" Tarzan complained.