New York City Jokes
Mayor Bloomberg said that New York City will "collapse" if illegal immigrants are deported. He added, "Immigrants do the jobs that Americans won't and, like it or not, happy endings are a job."
Fashion designers disagreed about how to dress this nude Italian woman
Because of this God-awful heatwave there have been power outages all around New York City. Thankfully my neighborhood has power. Nothing I hate more than not having power. No TV, no air conditioning.
You wake up in the middle of the night and have to stumble to the bathroom in the dark. Then you're peeing and you realize, "This don't sound right." Turns out you're tinkling in the laundry basket. It's a nightmare.
David Blaine is performing his latest stunt here in New York City. He's spending a week inside a giant aquarium, breathing through a scuba mask.
Now, I'm not saying I could do that. I'm spent after 20 minutes in my Grandma's Jacuzzi.
I just don't think what he's doing is that cool.
You want to impress me, Magic Boy? Spend a week in a burning building. You can use your mask.
Went on a first date with a girl. It was going great. Had dinner, listened to some jazz. Walked around the Village [Greenwich Village, in NYC] a bit.
We came across one of those storefront psychic places. The ones with the word "Psychic" in neon lights. Very original ad campaign. My date wanted to try. I figured why not.
We went in, sat down, and "Zelda" or "Hazlette" or whatever her name is started to read my date's palm. "Oooh, you're going to have a long life... you will be very rich... and the man of your dreams is already in your life-and his name begins with the letter "D."
Now, I was pissed. My name is Ray with an "R." And the rest of the night my date kept wondering, out loud, who this "dream man" might be. "Maybe it's David from the gym, or Derek from next door. Maybe Daniel from the travel agency?"
I got so fed up I told her, "Maybe it's Dick-MINE."
Date was more...