Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull"
My uncle Pepe immigrated from Cuba to the US as an adult, and thus had a very hard time dealing with English. The hardest part was learning how to curse properly.
He worked in construction, and one day one of his worker buddies says "man, Pepe, it's hot as a motherfucker."
My uncle Pepe tried hard to process that, and the next day, trying to fit in, turns to his buddy and goes "man, today, it is hot like I fucked your mother, no?"
A Tucson Arizona cable television provider has apologized to area customers after 30-seconds of porn was mistakenly shown during the Super Bowl. Customers angrily called when programming returned to the Super Bowl.
by Peter Leppik
The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Server: "Is that it?"
Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."
At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...
Via AP news
A student was arrested for uploading a video on YouTube about how to make a remote control bomb using a toy remote.
Ironically, my family had to talk me out of making a remote controlled bomb for my 8th grade science fair. I was disgruntled from my 7th grade science fair where I made a “Light Sensory Burglar Alarm System” that wasn’t even considered for a prize. Meanwhile, my friend's “Simpson Quiz Game” (which I had to help him with) got 2nd place. When I asked my science professor what he thought of my project he said, “Very good… did your dad help you with that?” I wanted to punch him in the face.
Admittedly, my bomb wouldn’t have hurt anyone.. you press the button.. a little smoke comes out.. then a sign pops up that says, “No, my dad did not help me with this.”
It was then that I decided to give up on the education system and just tell jokes… true story.