Reindeer And Elf Jokes / Recent Jokes

I heard this from some friends the other day:
Q: Can you name Santa's reindeer?
(after the askee goes through Dasher, Dancer,. .. Blitzen, and Rudolph, you say:)
A: No, there's one more: Olive, the other reindeer

Top 10 Comments Made By The Reindeer During Their Xmas Flight^10. "Sheesh! What's he been eating this year? ROCKS?"

9. "He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he
knows which one is which?"

8. "I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE."

7. "Sure... HIS seat is a flotation device. What about us?"

6. "Tried those new lite oats? You really should."

5. "Man, I hope we pause on a rooftop soon. I'm beat."

4. "HEY! Watch the antlers there, buddy!"

3. "Did you hear you-know-who got a nose job?"

2. "You know, after a few hundred miles, these jingling bells really get
annoying!"

And Finally...

1. "So, you want to go someplace afterward for some reindeer games?"

'Twas the Night before Christmas, has lots of rhymes.
But do you think the story really fits with our times?
We don't have a chimney, our socks are in the wash.
Dreaming of sugar plums? Oh my gosh!
And what's with a kerchief? Our dad wears no cap.
He snores all night, you call that a nap?
They tell us that Santa is coming tonight.
He'll be flying in here on a sleigh, YEAH, RIGHT!
When we were much younger we believed all that stuff,
Now that we're older we know it's a bluff.
This Christmas eve is not going as we wish.
So we snuck down the stairs to turn on the dish.
All involved in the movie, we wouldn't hear a mouse.
But this clatter, meant a party at the neighbor's house.
As we sprang to our feet, to see who was out there,
We couldn't believe reindeer, no, not on a dare!
We looked at each other, and gave out a squeak.
Someone is coming, oh what a sneak.
No, it's just Dad going to the more...

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
They look silly in polyester.
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because her brown ones were muddy.
How long should a reindeers legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground.
Which reindeer have the smallest legs?
The shortest ones.
Where do you find reindeer?
Depends upon where you leave them.
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you!
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers!
Why did the reindeer wear brown boots?
Because her black ones were muddy!
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognized!
What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!
What did the Mom Reindeer say to keep her reindeer kids inside?
"Because of the rain... Dear."
Why did the reindeer wear green boots?
Because her blue Gucci pumps were more...

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
”Horn”-aments!
How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She’d go to a “re-tail”shop for a new one!
Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he’s a “rain”-deer!
Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!
Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
”Rude”-olph!
What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can’t hear you!
What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will “sleigh” you!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-“deer”!
What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
”Elk”-a-seltzer!
How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the “deer”-bell!
What's red and white more...

Rudolph the red nosed wino,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you got too close to him,
He would take off his clothes.
All of the other winos,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any wino games.
Then one chilly Christmas Eve,
Rudolph froze to death in an alley.
End of story.

And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes. ...
These jokes will sleigh you!
Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!
'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because tow' Eds are better than one, of course!'
How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!
How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the more...