Reindeer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
    "I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team."
    "Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.
    The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
    Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"
    The Polak said, "Two!"
    "Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?"
    "Today and Tomorrow!"
    "Hmm... OK," said the coach.
    "How many seconds are there in a more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
    were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
    Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
    in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
    While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
    had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
    When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
    tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
    The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
    sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
    When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
    a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
    That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
    I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
    The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
    I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
    On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
    a Weight Watcher dropout more...

    In Lappland Ante was caught stealing reindeer.
    The owner was so mad that he undressed Ante and tied him to a birch tree. He was to stand there during the night as a suitable punishment.
    The next morning the owner came to untie Ante:
    "I hope the mosquitos were really bad this night!"
    "Oh, the mosquitos were nothing compared to that weaning reindeer calf which could not find its mother!"

    The problem with Santa!

    Hot 5 years ago

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
    2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of
    3.5 children per household, that's
    91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
    3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
    822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the more...

    Game Show

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars!
    The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'"
    The man grinned and said, "Dasher!"
    The game show host said, "Correct!"
    "Comet!"
    "Correct! What is the last name?"
    The man yelled, "Olive!"
    The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?"
    The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"

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