Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What the hell is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree' n tree' n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone.
A few days later he received this report:
Most Hon'ble Sir,
You leave the house.
I watch house.
He come to house.
He and she leave house.
He and she get on train.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree.