Sleigh Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Santa's secret wish

    Hot 6 years ago

    On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
    Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
    And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
    "I want your secret. Tell it to me."
    He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
    "How do you do it, year after year?"
    "I want to know how, as you travel about,
    Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
    How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
    You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
    Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
    around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
    From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
    From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
    And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
    "Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
    But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
    That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
    He told that small boy more...

    The tex-mex version of "The night before Christmas"
    Jim and Nita Lee (Dec. 1972)' Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
    Not a creature ws stirring -- Caramba! Que pasa?
    Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
    Some in long underwear, some in pijamas,
    While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
    In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
    To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
    A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.
    Outside in the yard there arose such a grito
    That I jumped to my feet like a fightened cabrito.
    I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
    And who in the world do you think that it era?
    Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
    Came dashing along like a crazy bombero.
    And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
    Were eight little burros approaching volados.
    I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre
    Was shouting and whistling and more...

    The Australian Christmas

    Hot 8 years ago

    Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
    Sweating his fat away
    Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
    Water-skis on his sleigh
    Never have a white Christmas
    When you in Melbourne live
    Wearing hot pants on the beach
    When you your presents give
    Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
    Sweating his fat away
    Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
    Water-skis on his sleigh
    Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
    Castles in the sand
    Eating ice-cream, having good talks
    Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?

    The problem with Santa!

    Hot 7 years ago

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
    2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of
    3.5 children per household, that's
    91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
    3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
    822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and the house was all neat.
    The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
    The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
    It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
    Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,
    Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
    When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
    That I then lost my boner and momma went dry.
    Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
    Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
    The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
    Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
    When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
    With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
    A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
    Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite
    And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
    "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa more...

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