And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes. ...
These jokes will sleigh you!
Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!
'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because tow' Eds are better than one, of course!'
How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!
How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the more...
What do elves learn in school?
Who is the most famous singing elf?
What is the most favorite elf pet?
What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low Elf esteem.
What do you call an elf that likes to swim?
What do you call a stingy elf.
How do elves get up into the workshop attic?
How do you describe an elf who refuses to take a bath?
What do you call an elf who teaches english?
A subordinate Claus
On the night before Christmas, alone in my house,
My computer went down with the click of the mouse
I sat and I waited and sighed with dispair,
I wiggled and pouted, alone in my chair
The AO-Hell people were all snug in their beds,
While Christmas bonus pay checks danced in their heads.
Then out on the roof I heard such a clatter,
I arose from my chair to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear.
But Santa himself and an Elf standing near
The Elf's Aol knowledge glowed, with experience so rare,
He rebooted my system with finesse and a flair.
More rapid than eagles my programs they came,
As he cursed and he muttered and called them by name.
On Start Up! On quicken! On explorer and delete!
On chatting! On Yahoo! On e-mail and complete!
His eyes were glassed over, his fingers nibble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of HIS more...
National Federation of Uniformed Elves
Main Office, North Pole
Female Elf Employment Application
1. Name ________________
2. Present Address ____________________
3. Age ___ (If under 100, parental permission is required)
4. Height ______ (If over 3 feet 6 inches, please attach waiver
5. Present Occupation ____________ (If politician, forget it!)
6. Hobbies ______________________________
(If boys, boys, boys, do you like "little, little" boys?)
7. Professional Qualifications ______________________________
(Can you cook, sew, clean and other things male chauvinist
elves get off on?)
8. References ______________________________
(No religious references please. They tend to lead us astray.)
9. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for molesting a
Yes ( ) No ( ) (if yes, you need not apply!)
10. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for molesting more...
Love is a merry little elf who dances a jig, then turns on you with a machine gun.