Grin Jokes / Recent Jokes

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip; The phasers were hung in the arm’ry securely, In hope that no aliens would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks– except for the few who were partying drunks; And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace, Had just settled down for a neat face to face…
When out in the halls there arose such a racket, That we lept from our beds pulling on pants and a jacket. Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun, Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, “Deck One! ”
The bridge Red-Alert lights, which flashed throught the din, Gave a luster of Hades to objects within. When, what, on the viewscreen, should our eyes behold, But a weird kind of sleigh, and some geek who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew, That we know in a moment it had to be Q. His sleigh grew much larger the closer he came, Then he zapped on more...

How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went. But in spite of it all I am able to grin when I recall where my get up has been. Old age is golden-so I've heard it said- but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed, with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup, my eyes on the table until I wake up. Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself, "Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?" And I'm happy to say as I close my door, my friends are the same, perhaps even more. When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head. When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through. But now I am old, my slippers are black, I walk to the store and puff my way back. The reason I know my youth is all spent, my get up and go has got up and went. But I really don't mind when I think, with a grin, of all the grand places my get up has been. Since I have retired from life's more...

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.
The main replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said "The Gold Dust Twins are coming," and I had to smile.
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin.
"Then she placed herself under a sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself.
"BUT...when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that more...

Three men where traveling backcountry roads when their car broke down. They walked to a farmhouse and asked the old man for help. He told them they could stay the night and he would drive them to the town the next day. He warned them that his daughter meant the world to him, and he would kill them if he found out they screwed around with her. So all three mean agreed that they would not mess with his daughter. Later on that night one of the three friends was wondering around the house and he came upon the room of the farmers daughter. She was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen! She looked at him with an innocent smile and motioned him in. He thought to himself that old man will never know, and he went into the room. The second of the three friends was wondering around the house and he came upon the room of farmers daughter. She smiled at him with that innocent grin and motioned him in. He thought to himself that old man will never know, and he went into the room. The third more...

One night, the Potato family - Mother Potato and her three daughters - sat down to dinner. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.
"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Russet!"
"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother, I too, have anannouncement."
"And what might that be?" asked Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, more...

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner-Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make." "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?" "I'm marrying a Russet!" "A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement." "And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, more...