Grin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Pondering old age

    Hot 6 years ago

    How do I know that my youth is all spent?
    Well, my get up and go has got up and went.
    But in spite of it all I am able to grin
    when I recall where my get up has been.
    Old age is golden-so I've heard it said-
    but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed,
    with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup,
    my eyes on the table until I wake up.
    Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself,
    "Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"
    And I'm happy to say as I close my door,
    my friends are the same, perhaps even more.
    When I was young, my slippers were red,
    I could pick up my heels right over my head.
    When I grew older, my slippers were blue,
    but still I could dance the whole night through.
    But now I am old, my slippers are black,
    I walk to the store and puff my way back.
    The reason I know my youth is all spent,
    my get up and go has got up and went.
    But I really don't mind when I more...

    A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "
    Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "
    The Gold Dust Twins are coming,"
    and I had to smile. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "
    Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,"
    and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "
    William's Big Stick Did The Trick"
    , and I could hardly control myself. BUT-when she moved the forth time and sat under a sign that said more...

    One night, the Potatofamily sat down to dinner. Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have anannouncement to make." "And what might thatbe?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," repliedthe daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughterssquealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! Andwho are you marrying, Eldest daughter?" "I'm marrying aRusset!" "A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russetis a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" As the family shared in theeldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother, I too, have anannouncement." "And what might thatbe?" asked Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how tobegin, the middle daughter paused, then said with more...

    The weeper
    "You all hate me" is the typical line used by the weeper numerous times during the party. She is likely to spend most of the evening in the rest room holding the hand of a friend, who is patiently listening to her anguish, tears, and whiny vomiting. The weeper is a phase most girls go through when they get drunk for the first time every year.
    The DAMP child
    She is the cheerful type who does excessively energetic cartwheels and juggles beer bottles while claiming "I'm not drunk, I'm just in a really good mood", even though her eyes are rolling around in her head and her cheeks are blushing. She is simply impossible to bear in the long run and is likely to be sent into the kitchen to do the dishes. This type may turn into the weeper during the late hours.
    Biker chick
    This type goes into macho mode when she gets drunk. She becomes boastful and loud and belches a lot. She usually hangs out with the guys shocking them with foul-smelling, more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
    Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
    The phasers were hung in the armoury securely,
    In hope that no alien would get up that early.
    The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
    (Except for the few who were partying drunks);
    And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
    Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
    When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
    That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
    Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
    Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"
    The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
    Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
    When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
    But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
    But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
    That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
    His sleigh grew more...

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