Top Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Physics Exam

    Hot 1 year ago

    Story of a Physics student who got the following question in an exam:

    "You are given an accurate barometer, how would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper? "

    He answered: "Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down' till it touches the ground and measure the length of the string".

    The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided to interview the guy:

    "Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics? "

    "Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the ground......"

    "Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again? "

    "Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its period at the top......"

    "..another try? ...."

    "Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it more...

    COYOTE "vs" ACME

    Hot 1 year ago

    In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...

    Top 10 Reasons to Like Hanukkah

    10. No roof damage from reindeer
    9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones
    8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it
    7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races
    6. You can use your fireplace
    5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
    4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah
    3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
    2. Cheer optional
    1. No Irving Berlin songs

    I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
    1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
    2.Proper beer
    3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
    4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
    5.Union jack underpants.
    6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
    7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
    9.Ditto changing underwear
    10.Beats being Welsh.
    10a. Or Scottish

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
    1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
    2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
    3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
    4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
    5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
    6.You can more...

    Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't knowwhere they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and putshis arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says"We're just over Paris""How do you know" ask the others"Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower." Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London""How?" asks the others"Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out theplane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow." "How do you know that?" comes the reply." Because some bastard has just stolen my watch"

  • Recent Activity