Floor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Women Only Hotel

    Hot 7 months ago

    A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.

    "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

    So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: " All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

    The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.

    They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick."

    They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are more...

    Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
    Your Clothes
    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
    ---------------
    Preparing for the Birth
    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
    ---------------
    The Layette
    1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: more...

    Physics Exam

    Hot 4 months ago

    Story of a Physics student who got the following question in an exam:

    "You are given an accurate barometer, how would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper? "

    He answered: "Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down' till it touches the ground and measure the length of the string".

    The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided to interview the guy:

    "Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics? "

    "Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the ground......"

    "Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again? "

    "Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its period at the top......"

    "..another try? ...."

    "Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it more...

    Proxy Father

    Hot 4 months ago

    The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said,' 'I'm off. The man should be here soon''.

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.' 'Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

    ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

    ''Really?'' the photographer asked.' 'Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

    ''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

    ''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

    ''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and more...

    Aussie Father

    Hot 3 months ago

    Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
    Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later."
    At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch.
    Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording more...

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