Wesley Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Skicurow Denizen

    Hot 3 years ago

    After acquiring enough money from handouts, an inhabitant of the Bowery decided to take his refreshment at one of Wall Street's better drinking establishments.
    A financial tycoon seated next to him was visibly appalled at the appearance and odor of the down-and-outer; so much so, in fact, that he turned to the man and pointedly said, "' Cleanliness is next to godliness'-John Wesley." His words were ignored.
    A few minutes later, the financier again intoned loudly, "' Cleanliness is next to godliness'-John Wesley." Still he was ignored.
    Finally, the visibly irritated financier shouted in the man's face: "' Cleanliness is next to godliness'-John Wesley!"
    To which the skicUrow denizen calmly replied, "' Screw you'- Tennessee Williams."

    I got these from a friend of mine, who got them from a BBS in
    New Orleans. I have changed Wesley's so that the chorus goes
    "teenaged boy" instead of "only a boy"; I think it sings a
    little easier this way.
    From Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of "Let it Snow")
    Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
    unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
    but still we must boldly go-
    make it so, make it so, make it so.
    From William Riker (to the tune of "Deck the Halls")
    Here's a vexing Christmas riddle
    (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la)
    Why must I play second fiddle?
    (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la)
    How can I impress Deanna
    (fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
    When I'm number two banana?
    (fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
    From Wesley Crusher (to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
    I'm at Starfleet Academy and I'd just like to say
    I miss the opportunity to weekly save the day-
    To make things more...

    The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
    encountered several times before.
    The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
    are all perfectly all right.
    The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
    where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
    to be exactly as it seems.
    The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
    turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
    The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
    which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
    An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
    the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
    bring the right leads.
    A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
    faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
    Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
    The phasers were hung in the armoury securely,
    In hope that no alien would get up that early.
    The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
    (Except for the few who were partying drunks);
    And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
    Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
    When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
    That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
    Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
    Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"
    The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
    Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
    When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
    But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
    But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
    That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
    His sleigh grew more...

    Wesley Snipes was recently indicted for tax fraud of $12 million.
    Updated editions of Passenger 57 will include the line "Always bet on black, except this one time."

    He has not been arrested, as he has not yet been found.
    So maybe White Men Can't Jump, but this black man can jump bail.*

    His career will likely undergo some Demolition, Man.

    He faces a maximum of 16 years in prison.
    Where he will start researching the prequel to Blade... Shiv.


    *Bonus: Maybe they should send some U.S. Marshals after him.

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