Virgin Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew more...

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?

A. Ugly sheep.

A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.
"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"
"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be."
"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow.
The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!"

The attractive young woman lay back on the psychiatrist's couch. "Oh, Doctor," she said, "$j§ can't believe it. I've just married for the thirds time, and I'm still a virgin/'
"Still a virgin!" gasped the doctor as he stared at the beautiful woman. "My word, how can this be?"
"Well," the woman sighed, "my first husband was a professor, and he only talked about it. My second husband was a physician, and he only looked at it."
"And your third husband?" asked the doctor. "What's his problem?"
"He's a gourmet."

A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding."Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?""My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be.""Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow.The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!"

Three girls died and were brought to the gates ofheaven. Upon entering the gate, they were haltedby St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering youmust answer this simple question." "Which is. ..?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl."Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I gotmarried and was still virgin even after I got married.""Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl. .. the golden key.""Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl."Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before Igot married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl. .. the silver key.""Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl."Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex withevery guy I met before and more...

The preacher in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.
"Brothers and sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."
Not a women stirred. After a lot of coaxing, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.
The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young woman, I am asking virgins to stand."
The young lady answered indignantly, "Well do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself?"