Tube Jokes

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    Special Family

    Hot 9 months ago

    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

    This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
    "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
    to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
    Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
    partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
    a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
    "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
    he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
    enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
    into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
    hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
    "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
    tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

    "We're still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week - all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn." -Stephen Colbert
    "Yesterday Condoleezza Rice went into President Bush's office and said, 'I'm off to Lebanon.' And President Bush said, 'Vacation?'." -Jay Leno
    "Saddam Hussein has been on a hunger strike for seventeen days. They had to nurse him back to health with a feeding tube to get him healthy enough so he can go back on trial. And then be put to death. It is an odd thing. Two years ago, we were dropping ten thousand pound bombs on the guy. Now we're feeding him nutrients through a tube. No wonder he's confused." -Jimmy Kimmel
    "This more...

    a brown, a red head, and a blonde were at the carnival and walked by an old man who said " come try out my lie detector machine. If you lie you will be sucked up a tube." The three ladies decided to try out the machine. The brown head said "Im the prettiest girl in the world," so she got sucked up the tube. The red head said
    " im the richest person in the world," so she got sucked up the tube. The blonde said " I think..., " so she got sucked up the tube.

    Bifocals Barbie
    Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild
    colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of
    Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
    Hot Flash Barbie
    Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while
    tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
    hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
    Facial Hair Barbie
    As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available
    with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
    Flabby Arms Barbie
    Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved
    gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too - muumuus with tummy-support
    panels are included.
    Bunion Barbie
    Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken
    their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
    pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
    No-More-Wrinkles Barbie
    Erase those pesky crow's-feet more...

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