Grabs Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Special Family

    Hot 8 months ago

    A
    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

    The snoring stopper!

    Hot 7 months ago

    A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
    A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!
    Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
    The woman sleeps very soundly.
    The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.
    He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the more...

    Cue Ball

    Hot 5 months ago

    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
    The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
    While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up more...

    Mirthy Facts

    Hot 2 years ago

    The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
    [Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]
    A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.
    [Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]
    The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
    [That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?"]
    The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.
    [Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee? ]
    Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
    [Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]
    America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
    [3 very lonely men.]
    98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
    [The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]
    When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
    [When the female feel amorous, she grabs something more...

    Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
    Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
    The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."
    The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."
    The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
    The second more...

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