Half Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The blonde reported for her University final examination, which consists of "yes/no" type questions.
    She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
    Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
    The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
    "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers."

    The Sex of a Computer

    Hot 1 year ago

    A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as "She" or "Her". But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model. 5. Size does matter.The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as "SHE" because: 1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
    2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to more...

    Chicken McNuggets

    Hot 1 year ago

    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

    Parnethood Preparation

    Hot 7 years ago

    Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, takeout 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell thepharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up thepaper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack ofpatience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve theirchild's sleeping habits, more...

    (From our pastor's sermon on human nature:)
    A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
    the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
    temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
    he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
    His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
    desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
    manure.
    On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
    optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
    with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
    his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
    The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
    toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, more...

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