Fact Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Perfect Penis

    Hot 1 year ago

    A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

    That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."

    The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge.

    The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"

    Special Family

    Hot 1 year ago

    A
    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

    Dear Dad

    Hot 1 year ago

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad". With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

    "Dear Dad"

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Lori and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad...

    She's pregnant. Lori said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many, more children. Lori has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana more...

    Letter to tide

    Hot 6 years ago

    Dear Tide:
    I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it ever since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
    Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it is even better. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
    My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started to become a pain in the neck.
    One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.
    After a quick trip to the supermarket and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
    In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and my attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!
    I more...

    100 Ways to annoy the pizza guy
    1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
    2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
    3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
    4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
    5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
    6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
    7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
    8. Answer their questions with questions.
    9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
    10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
    11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
    12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of more...

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