Gamble Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you MAD? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I
probably smell pretty bad."
The man more...
The man says, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum says, "No."
The man says, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum says, "No."
So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
A bum asked a man on the street for $2.
"Will you buy booze?" the man asks.
The bum replies, "No."
"Will you gamble it away?"
Once again the bum replies, "No."
"Will you make bets at the golf course?"
The bum replies "No, I don't play golf"
Then the man asks, "Will you come home with me, so my wife can see what
happens to a man who doesn't drink, gamble, or play golf?"
'I am the most unfortunate man in the world; my kismet is ruined,' cried Lala Dhani Ram as he slapped his forehead.
'Lalay/, what's happened?', asked his friends.
'What's happened? My daughter's gone and married that good-for-nothing fellow who does not know how to drink or gamble.'
'You call that bad kismet?', they asked somewhat bewildered.' You should consider yourself lucky to have a son-in-law who does not drink or gamble.'
'Who said he does not drink or gamble? He does both. I said he does not know how to do them.'
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs
out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's awesome!
Satan: I bet more...
A bum asks a man for two dollars.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"