Smoke Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel. First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep.

    Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.

    The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to more...

    12-inch pianist

    Hot 5 years ago

    There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.
    So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
    'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'
    'OK,' says the guy.
    He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
    'You have one wish.'
    The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.
    He tells the barman,
    'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'
    The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'

    Dirty Ryhmes

    Hot 6 years ago

    (Row Row Row Your Boat)
    Roll, roll, roll your joint
    twist it at the end,
    take a puff,
    that's enough and pass it to a friend.
    Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
    he stuck his thumb up his ass
    and found his uncles underpants
    and said "What a good boy am I"
    Mary Mary quite contrary
    shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
    Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
    Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
    Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
    He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
    He said, "Excuse me ladies,
    just doing my duty
    so why not pull down your pants
    and give me some booty."
    Hickory Dickory more...

    No Smoke

    Hot 3 years ago

    A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
    Tech: What's the problem?
    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
    Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
    User: I knew it!
    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
    Ten minutes later.
    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
    User: MS-DOS more...

    A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
    "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
    "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
    "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
    "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
    "What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...

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