Drugs Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember to call me every night," God said, before Virgin Mary left.
    So, in the first night, the telephone rang in Heaven. "Heaven," God answered. "Hello, it

    A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

    Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.

    The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

    Mick & Moe

    Hot 5 months ago

    Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
    Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
    "Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
    "That's more...

    I used to do drugs

    Hot 1 year ago

    I used to do drugs... I still do drugs.
    But I used to, too.

    There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said "What happened to ‘beautiful'? His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!" Animals
    Beautiful? "There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
    His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
    A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because more...

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