Cats Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
    (Un deux trois quatre cinq)

    If you're easily offended (I mean VERY easily), don't read this.
    ***
    WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE... By Matt Groening (Creator of The Simpsons and Life in Hell)
    Deep Thoughts about Gender Differences
    SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
    MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
    MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
    Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter more...

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 4 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 more...

    Southwest Knows Best...

    Hot 3 years ago

    A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. Smiling, she then said, "Tell your Mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

  • Recent Activity