Animal Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mink coat

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    I went out with my mink coat on last night.
    Some silly cow shouted at me, "Some poor animal died to make that coat."
    I said, "It's ok sweetheart, this one was dead already."

    A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. We have only canned and dry goods."
    The next day, the duck returns:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."
    On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks:
    - "Got any nails?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"

    Doctors V. Gun Owners

    Hot 1 year ago

    Number of physicians in the US = 700,000
    Accidental deaths caused by physicians/year =120,000.
    Accidental deaths/physician = 0.171
    Number of gun owners in US = 80,000,000
    Number of accidental gun deaths/year = 1500
    Accidental deaths/gun owner =.0000188
    Conclusion - Doctors are approximately 9000 times more
    dangerous than gun owners!

    The Fly

    Hot 1 year ago

    Why did the fly fall off the toilet?
    It got pissed off.

    Don't Hit The Ducks

    Hot 2 years ago

    Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

    Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

    St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
    Don't hit the ducks.
    The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"
    "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
    After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck more...

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