Catholics Jokes

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    Irish Crocodile

    Hot 2 years ago

    A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile. He asks "do you serve catholics?"

    The bartender replies "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?"

    The man replies "A pint of Guinness and 2 catholics for the crocodile."

    A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.
    They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
    You were born Protestant.
    You were raised Protestant.
    But now you are Catholic!
    And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:
    You were born a cow.
    You were raised a cow.
    But now you are fish!

    For Catholics, death is a promotion.

    Is There a Santa Claus? A Rebuttal...
    Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish ''study.''
    Flying reindeer: As is widely known due to the excellent historical documentary ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town,'' the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in ''Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' (a no-punches- pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
    Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently more...

    Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys? A: With a crowbar.

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