Catholic Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    3 Kinds of Bras

    Hot 10 months ago

    A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said.' I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'

    'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

    'Type?' inquires the man' There is more than one type?'

    'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.

    'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.

    Confused, the man asked what were the types.

    The saleslady replied' The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'

    Still confused the man asked' What is the difference between them?'

    The lady responded' It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out more...

    Lenten Protestant

    Hot 9 months ago

    John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent.

    On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

    The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and more...

    Ethnic joke on murder

    Hot 5 years ago

    A guy was walking down a street in Ireland when a man approached from behind him and stuck a knife to the the guy's throat.
    "Be you protestant or catholic", the assailant (sp?) asked.
    The guy thought "If I say I'm catholic and he's protestant, I'm a dead man. If I say I'm protestant and he's catholic, I'm a dead man."
    After a little thought, the guy said, "I'm jewish, I'M JEWISH".
    "Aha," the assailant said, "I have to be the luckyest Arab in Ireland!"

    A Catholic boy and a Mormon boy are arguing about which is smarter. The Catholic boy suggests they go to his priest in the Catholic cathedral and ask him to help them resolve the problem.
    Upon entering the cathedral, the Catholic boy tells the priest of their problem figuring out who was smarter - to which the priest quickly replied, "Well, the Catholic boy is smarter, of course."
    The Mormon boy wasn't convinced, so he asked the priest to prove it. So, the priest pointed up to the large wall in the cathedral where a huge cross with the crucifix stood - also with the two people crucified on either side of Him also on the wall.
    The priest asked the Mormon boy who the man in the center was, to which he quickly replied, "That's Jesus on the cross - of course!"
    The priest nodded approvingly, then asked, "now who is that on the right of Him?" The Mormon boy didn't know.
    "Now who is that on His left?" The Mormon boy didn't know that more...

    Well Below Par

    Hot 2 years ago

    The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
    "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
    The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"
    "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, and then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as
    your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
    Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course Nicklaus was honored, and agreed to play. more...

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