Community Jokes

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    What's Your Diagnosis?

    Hot 5 years ago

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
    At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
    After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
    "I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
    "Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
    As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
    "You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
    "I didn't have more...

    A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
    At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."
    The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
    As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
    "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
    "Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house."
    Arriving at the next house, they spent several more...

    A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the performance."

    Student: J. Christ Form: III Term: 1
    SubjectGradeTeacher's Comment
    To the question "Who made the world?" persisted in answering 'My
    dad'. Claims bible originated from the same source.
    Tends to speak and write in archaic forms and uses outmoded
    figures of speech.
    History A
    Excellent pupil of ancient and Religious History.
    Geography C-
    Assignment on 'Hot, dry lands' was excellent, but shows little
    interest in the rest. In geology, keeps talking about the Rock of
    Ages instead of the ages of Rock.
    Social StudiesB+
    Shows keen interest in social issues.
    Lacks basics. Keeps muttering about 'Three in one' and 'I and
    the father are one'.
    General ScienceD
    Lacks disipline - e.g., when asked to repeat the experiment for
    making hydrogen, claimed he knew a better way.
    Graphic CommunicationD
    Prefers to draw with a stick in the sand to pencil more...

    A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.
    They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
    You were born Protestant.
    You were raised Protestant.
    But now you are Catholic!
    And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:
    You were born a cow.
    You were raised a cow.
    But now you are fish!

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