Announced Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Airline Announcements

    Hot 1 year ago

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    Here are a couple of my favorite examples of gullible people (true stories).
    Back in the days of the Mattel Cabbage Patch Kid craze it was usually
    very hard to get one for the kiddies. A radio station (I don't know where)
    announced that Mattel was going to get Cabbage Patch Kids out to the people
    of this particular city. The plan was that they had to go to the football
    field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and
    the dolls would be dropped onto the field. People were supposed to hold
    their credit cards up so that a photographer with a telephoto lens in the
    airplane could get the credit card numbers and charge the price of the
    dolls to the recipients' accounts.
    People actually showed up, waving American Express cards in the breeze.
    Another radio station prank took place on April Fool's Day. They
    announced that the phone company would be cleaning the dirt out of the
    phone lines that afternoon. They do more...

    The Australian liberal party announced today that they arechanging their emblem to a condombecause it more clearly reflects their party'spolitical stance :A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security whilescrewing others.

    Successful Summit

    Hot 5 years ago

    While visiting the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Rather than just an hour as scheduled, the meeting lasted for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to meet with the media.
    Smiling, he announced that the summit was a great success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed and that he was now going home to the White House to be with his family.
    The Pope then came out to make his statement. He appeared tired, very discouraged and close to tears. Sadly, he announced his meeting with the President was a failure. Confused, one reported asked, "But, your Holiness, the President just announced the summit was quite a success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
    Frustrated, the Pope replied, "Yes, but we were discussing the Ten Commandments!"

    One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

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