Airline Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Airline Announcements

    Hot 1 year ago

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    Air travel

    Hot 1 year ago

    Air travel: Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.

    Airline Pilot

    Hot 2 years ago

    An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off the intercom. He said to the co-pilot, "I think I'll go take a dump and then put the make on that new blonde stewardess."
    The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. She trips and falls in her haste.
    A little old lady looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."

    1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
    2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
    3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
    4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!!
    5. Ummmmmm....Sorry... (silence)
    6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back....we ..we....uhhhhhh....forgot something...
    7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
    8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal more...

    1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!! 5. Ummmmmm....Sorry... (silence) 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back....we ..we....uhhhhhh....forgot something... 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when more...

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