Attendant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drinkorders.The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placedbefore him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also likedrink.The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped bya brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

    Airline Announcements

    Hot 7 months ago

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    Airline Speech

    Hot 7 months ago

    In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck?' (Getting PDX people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

    Before takeoff...
    "Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to Portland. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening."

    "We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now."

    "There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're more...

    Price Increases

    Hot 6 years ago

    For the first time in many years, an old man living in a rural town decided to go to the city to see a movie. After purchasing his ticket, he stopped by the concession stand to buy some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.75, he couldn't resist commenting, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn only cost 15 cents."
    "Well, sir," replied the attendant with a grin, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!"

    Fearful Pilot

    Hot 2 years ago

    While taxiing down the runway, the jetliner came to an abrupt stop, turned around and returned to the gate. After quite a lengthy wait, it finally took off.
    Wanting to know what caused the delay, a concerned passenger asked the flight attendant what the problem was.
    "The pilot was troubled by a noise he heard in the engine," the attendant explained. "It took us some time to find a new pilot."

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