Christ Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A drunk stammers out

    Hot 1 year ago

    A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    So the drunk says it to the second priest.
    The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
    The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

    At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn't have time to inquire before the Mass began.
    When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop's curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ".
    The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."

    Business is business

    Hot 6 years ago

    A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a smalltown. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use herposition to try to influence the new student. She asks theclass, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washingtonwas the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Fatherof our country." The teacher replies, "Well... that's a goodanswer, but that's not the answer I am looking for." Another young student raises his hand and says, "I thinkAbraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because hefreed the slaves and helped end the civil war.". .. "Well, that'sanother good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for." Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I thinkJesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." Theteacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,"that's the answer I was looking for." more...

    The God Squad

    Hot 5 years ago

    D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
    =========================================================
    Date :- 3rd May 0023
    TO:
    Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
    13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
    Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
    Judea.
    Dear Sirs,
    It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
    publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
    is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
    in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
    highest authority.
    However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
    and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
    That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
    propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
    That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
    Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...

    Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

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