Hand Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day a girl went to church to make a confession
    GIRL: Forgive me father for I have sined
    PRIEST: What have you done my child
    GIRL: I called a man a son of a bitch
    PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Caused he touched my hand
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touches her hand)
    GIRL:Yes father.
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he touched my breast.
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touched her breast)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he took off my clothes father
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he takes off her clothes)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he stuck his you know what into her you know here)
    GIRL: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER
    PRIEST: (after a few minutes) that's no reason to call him a son of a more...

    This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year
    In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"
    "That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info.
    Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
    After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class... and never returned.
    However, as she was going out the door, the Prof's reply was classic...
    Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of more...

    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand.
    "Go ahead, Little Johnny."
    "My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
    "That's terrible, Little Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
    Again Little Johnny raises his hand.
    "We'll give you another chance."
    "My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."

    It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an enormous birthday breakfast. Then she took him by the hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom, where they had the most amazing sex.
    A couple of hours later as John was leaving the house, Mrs Jones pressed a pound coin into his hand.
    "I'm sorry," he said, "but I've got to ask - why the pound?"
    "Well," said Mrs Jones, "I said to my husband last night 'It's the milkman's birthday tomorrow, what shall we give him?' and he replied 'Oh screw the milkman, give him a pound.' The breakfast was my idea!"

  • Recent Activity