Briefcase Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send youoff to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man'sschlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."

20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters I

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come.
When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers.
Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room.
When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wron

Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, AOL Disks, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a more...

An original of mine.
A business man is packing for a trip. He glances in his
briefcase, then calls to his wife.
"Honey."
"Yes, darling?" she replies.
"Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist
in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip?
You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful."
"Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly,
"It's just that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases
out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything
did happen, you'd be protected. So please, darling, take it with
you, won't you? For my sake?"
"Oh, alright, if you put it that way," he relented, "I'll do
it for you. But for heaven's sake, give me more than ONE!"

A Jatt is travelling in a DTC bus in Delhi. It's a busy day and our Jatt is roughing it out, standing up in the aisle and all. In his
right hand is his briefcase (which appears to contain some valuables), with his left he is grabbing on to the railing for dear life.
The conductor approaches him for a ticket. The Jatt who doesn't have a free hand to pull out his wallet gives the conductor a helpless look. The conductor reaches out for the jatt's briefcase in an effort to help him out.
"nahin! tum upar pakdo" says the Jatt clutching onto his briefcase

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send youoff to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man'sschlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"